Envy is one of the vilest and ugliest emotions. People often call it the same thing as jealousy, but there is a difference. Jealousy is when you fear someone else taking away what you believe is yours. But envy is resenting others for having what is rightfully theirs and wishing it was yours.
Without sugar-coating it, envy is a type of malice. After all, you can't be someone's friend while resenting that person's good fortune. Also, acting on that envy would turn the envious person into a villain. Envious people know this and will often try to rationalize their feelings.
One excuse is that it's okay to envy because everyone does it. This argument is wrong on two counts. The first is that it is not okay regardless of who else does it. The second is that many people don't envy others. They are also happier for it.
The key to beating envy is to learn from those who don't envy. Many of them have traits in common that allow them to live happy and productive lives. It's important to know that these are traits that anyone can develop. With that in mind, here are some common traits of people who don't envy:
They chart their own paths
They don't resent you for having a piece of the pie. They are too busy baking their own. These people are chasing their own dreams. They don't have the inclination or the time to resent you for catching yours.
They might seem distant at first
They might seem distant, but they bear no ill will. Many times they have difficult goals that demand their full effort. Their focus on their goals often detracts from their social engagements. Sometimes, they don't even know about your success. But if they learn about your success, they will be happy.
They are too focused on their dreams to worry about your achievements. If they notice your achievements, it's because your achievements are encouraging.
Your success is their inspiration
If you achieved the dream that they are chasing, then it pleases them. Your success proved what they hoped to be true. When chasing difficult dreams, it's easy for them to wonder if they are chasing impossible dreams. Your success gives them much-needed encouragement. In fact, the greater your success, the more encouraged they are.
If your success gives them a new dream, then you have inspired them. Unlike envious people, inspired people are happy for you. Your success has shown them what is possible, and they are grateful for it. They relish success stories, especially on their chosen paths.
They have their own measure of success
Along with having their own dreams, they have their own ways to measure success. You might want a big house, while they might want one that they can pay off with ease. They might not even want a house. Their measure of success might be as alien to you as yours is to them.
What matters is that their measure of success is independent of others. In contrast, envious people measure their own successes relative to those of others. Someone else's gain is an envious person's pain.
They have their own style
They have their own goals, and they are not crowd followers. They have their own style and their own way of doing things. They can be trendsetters but rarely trend followers. If they end up being either, then it is purely coincidental.
They appreciate the work involved in your success
When they see your success, they understand the hard work that went into it. If it's a result that they want, they might ask you about techniques for getting it. It's because they want something similar or identical to yours. But they don't want what's yours because they know that you earned it. This is different from an envious person who wants what is yours and resents you for having it. Also, the envious person has no appreciation for the work involved.
They know that life is not a competition
You can spend your whole life outdoing everyone else and still not get what you want. People who don't envy know this, and they pursue what they want. They don't play the silly game of keeping up with the Joneses. That is because they see it for what it is. It is a bitter status contest with no prize for the winner.
They know that there will always be someone better than them at something. Nobody can be the best at everything. They accept this and are willing to learn from people who outperform them. They see winning as getting what they want, not as outdoing anyone else.
They are not hooked on social media
They might use social media to connect with old friends, but they are not addicted to it. They don't spend hours watching how other people live their lives. Also, they don't show off their lives to others. They don't need to check on everyone else to know if they are doing well. They have much better things to do with their time.
They are secure
There is a reason why people who don't envy can have their own style. It's also why they are not obsessed with their status. It explains why they don't need to check on others to see if their own lives are good. It's because they are secure about who they are.
Being comfortable with themselves, they don't need constant comparisons and social validations. They are not concerned about their position on the social ladder. So someone else's movement up the ladder doesn't bother them.
They don't overvalue material possessions
They see material possessions as being only as valuable as their use. If a possession has no use, then it is worth nothing. They do not see the number or price of their possessions as a reflection of their self-worth.
They are not impressed by status symbols. This is because they are not interested in status contests. If they see you with an expensive car, they might compliment you about it. But it is because they think that it might make you feel good. It doesn't make them envy you, admire you, or pity you. A car is a car to them.
They are not hung up on social status
Because they live their own lives, they are not very concerned about social status. They have better things to do than jockey for a position on the social ladder. If they think you are nice, they will be nice to you. If not, then they won't be. They won't worship or resent you for being rich, and they won't look down on you for being poor. They treat you based on their judgment of your character.
They are not obsessed with popularity
They may or may not be popular. But they are not obsessed with popularity. Seeking popularity, like seeking status, demands focus on other people's opinions. People who don't envy also don't have time for this. Their focus is on living their lives.
They are content
Knowing that you have all the possessions you need is a profound revelation. Many people who don't envy have had this revelation. This revelation brings contentment that affects your outlook for the better. People who have this level of contentment are not affected by what their neighbors have.
This knowledge also brings a profound sense of gratitude. It gives these people ample reasons to count their own blessings. This counters envy because envy is about counting someone else's blessings. Also, counting your own blessings is one of the key components of general happiness. As a group, people who don't envy are very happy.
They have an abundance mentality
People who don't envy know that there is enough happiness and success to go around. They know that someone else's success doesn't prevent theirs. They know that they have to pursue their own dreams. So they do that instead of resenting someone else's success. They also know that someone else's happiness doesn't prevent theirs. They know that they need to do what makes them happy. They also count their own blessings instead of counting someone else's.
Although focused on their lives, they are generous because of their abundance mentality. They are especially generous with their time if they think it will help. Because time is precious, this is a high level of generosity. But they have to know that you need help to offer it.
In summary, here are some common traits of people who don't envy:
They chart their own paths.
They might seem distant at first.
Your success is their inspiration.
They have their own measure of success.
They have their own style.
They appreciate the work involved in your success.
They know that life is not a competition.
They are not hooked on social media.
They are secure.
They don't overvalue material possessions.
They are not hung up on social status.
They are not obsessed with popularity.
They are content.
They have an abundance mentality.
These are people who live on their own terms and follow their own dreams. They are secure people who are not obsessed with status or popularity. They also know that there is enough success and happiness to go around. So they see no need to resent others over it. These are positive traits that anyone can develop.